As some of you may have noticed, I’ve been a bit of, well, not here. But with good reason. Here’s my story…
It all started when my computer broke. Three months ago to be exact. And since then I’ve done a lot of thinking. From the first day I started this blog I have loved it. It was my creative outlet, my new-found hobby. It was all very exciting and fun. I met some incredible people, started following and being followed, increased my views, was featured on a blog, got nice comments, not so nice comments, found friends, got inspired and hopefully inspired some others. A day came just before my computer broke that made me step back and look at my life, and I saw that it wasn’t very balanced. I read somewhere that time is limited and if you fill it with blogging, something else will have to be given up. I knew that and for the first while it seemed like blogging was a worthwhile thing to put into my life. It was okay that I was giving up other things.
Until one day.
I felt like all I thought about was MY BLOG… it was becoming this all-consuming identity. Everything I did was “for my blog.” What I was going to cook, what activities I was going to document, what pictures, how I looked and what my kids were doing, what articles I read, new health advice I discovered… all through the eyes of my camera and then on to my blog. I was either writing a post, thinking about what to write, taking pictures of my next post, or again, writing and working on a blog post. That’s how it worked. I can’t tell you how many nights dinner was somewhat cold because I spent 30 minutes getting the “perfect” picture of the meal, for my blog, yet again. My hubby was so supportive through it all, patiently waiting, never complaining. My kids handled it somewhat okay. A lot of times they would sit and cry at me until I was done or they’d spend more time watching tv so I could finish my post. I would try to only work on my blog while my two boys were napping or sleeping, but it was never enough time, so I would work on it while they were up, usually needing my attention, but having to wait until “mommy was done.” Things like “just give me one more minute, go play with your brother, almost done” were the words coming out of my mouth. Instead of, “let’s go play, what did you find?, Oh, look!”
Either my hubby, my kids, or I were being neglected in some way. Not big ways by any means, dinner was always there, the kids were always dressed and fed and played with, I managed to keep the house somewhat together… but it felt like second rate to me… I did those things after focusing on my blog. This blog. So then it happened… just like the universe always takes care of things for you…
my computer broke.
And just like that I couldn’t blog. The funny thing was, I wasn’t disappointed. I was weirdly relieved. It was like all the sudden a burden was lifted and I saw my life not through my blog, but through my own eyes. Real, present, eyes. During this time I also got back into the things that I really love to do… things like reading, crafting, designing, preschool, and playing with my boys a whole lot more. I started to be more present in the moment. Started to not worry about the next blog post or what my stat views were for the day.
It was real life again.
At the same time period I decided to discontinue Facebook (I know, crazy, right) and Pinterest… (or in other words, the never-ending black hole.) I stopped checking and getting on Facebook and Pinterest because, honestly, it just took up too much TIME. It was this love-hate relationship I had. I would get on for one minute to look at one or two things, and then hours later I would finally close out of it feeling more overwhelmed and depressed than when I started. I would leave feeling less amazing, and more stressed that I wasn’t this or didn’t have that. After a while you just have to say, enough is enough.
To sum it up, both were intense distractions from what was real and what was present.
I wanted to take in my surroundings and my life, instead of filling my day with other people’s lives.
For the last three months I was really able to “get out of the loop” in a way. I didn’t know what was being pinned or who was traveling, crafting, status posting, instagram taking. And you know what? It was actually kinda nice. I started to see my day and goals more clearly and my own creativeness came through. My hubby and I spent weeks redecorating three of our rooms and not once did I go to Pinterest for ideas. They came straight from our combined brains, figuring it out together. And it ended up being completely us and completely amazing.
We just got a new computer this week. And here I am on my blog once again. Yet, it’s not really to say I’m back… because in a way I’m really not. I’ve decided this was a great journey and experience. I learned a lot. I had fun. But it’s just not worth it to me. Not for the things I have to give up. But that is just me. I might post here and there if something really inspires me to share. But for the time being, my house, my yoga, my other hobbies, and especially, my boys (hubby included), need my main focus. So that’s what it is. I hope this post helps someone else out there trying to find the balance in their own life. It’s been fun. Thank-you everyone for the ride. Now, if you’ll excuse me, my boys and I are off to the park!